Month: December 2008

Benjamin Zephaniah

Talking Turkeys Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas Cos’ turkeys just wanna hav fun Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked An every turkey has a Mum. Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas, Don’t eat it, keep it alive, It could be yu mate, an not on your plate Say, Yo! Turkey I’m on your side. I got lots of friends who are turkeys An all of dem fear christmas time, Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it An humans are out of dere mind, Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys Dey all hav a right to a life, Not to be caged up an genetically made up By any farmer an his wife. Turkeys just wanna play reggae Turkeys just wanna hip-hop Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying, ‘I cannot wait for de chop’, Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV, Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain In many ways like yu an me. I once knew a turkey called – Turkey He said “Benji explain to me please, Who put de turkey in christmas An what happens to christmas trees?”, I said “I am not too sure turkey But it’s nothing to do wid Christ Mass Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be An business men mek loadsa cash’. Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas Invite dem indoors fe sum greens Let dem eat cake an let dem partake In a plate of organic grown beans, Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas An spare dem de cut of de knife, Join Turkeys United an dey’ll be delighted An yu will mek new friends ‘FOR LIFE’.…

Boris Johnson

from The Perils of the Pushy Parents One Christmas in the usual way The school put on a touching play To mark Our Lord’s nativity Young Molly was enthralled to be Elected by her cheering class To play the reasr end of the ASS ‘What DO you mean?’ cried Molly’s mum. ‘They’ve made you act a donkey’s bum? How dare they force my little lass to imitate as ass’s ass? We rather hoped the BBC Would hire you as a news trainee. And after that it’s our intent To shove you into parliament. Up the greasy pole – and then Propel you into Number 10! But as it is your school, God rot ’em. Potrays you as some dobbin’s bottom. What kind of university Wants “donkey bum” on your CV?’ Before the girl could disabuse her Mum had found the show’s producer And as a stork devours a frog She seized the trembling pedagogue. Quite what she whispered in his ear I cannot say and yet I fear It must have been extremely scary He sacked the pupil playing Mary And handing her a donkey’s tail He hushed her unbelieving wail: ‘Can it kiddo, you’re a gonner. We’re casting Molly as Madonna!’…

Horace

Odes, Book 3, Verse 29: Happy the Man Happy the man, and happy he alone, He who can call today his own: He who, secure within, can say, Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. Be fair or foul or rain or shine The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine. Not Heaven itself upon the past has power, But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.…

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